Resisting the Yoke

One of the readings for the class talks about the meaning of the word yoga. It discusses about how yoga was seen as a yoke. The part that strikes me as I read the article today, is how the meaning of yoga was described as a “warrior dying and transcending into heaven.”

“White notes in his paper that the term “yoga” in the Vedas actually refers to a yoke, as in the yoke over animals — and at times a chariot in the midst of battle. Interestingly, in some of these very early writings, yoga was used to describe a warrior dying and transcending into heaven, being carried by his chariot to reach the gods and higher powers of being.”

This Strikes me as important because of the place where I am in life now. I am a disabled person. I am older, close to 60. Recently I had to move to a new place because of the loss of my marriage. The crying and the sadness has felt like dying. I have lost my dreams. My home. My town, my church, and most importantly my dreams of the days to come with the person I love most. No hope of reconciliation has been given. In a sense, I am dying to the second part of my life and being prepared for the third portion.

There is no sense or understanding of where this path is going. There is only my now. It’s why I lose track of days and time. My now may be a moment of joy at communing with the beauty around me. I’ve become aware of all that is around me. I am surrounded by extreme beauty. There is also grief. Not only my grief, but the grief of those around me for losses of which I do not know their name.

Because suffering is no fun, it seems I seek to avoid the yoke that will give direction on the the new path. This path I am on now is not one of my choosing. This path was born out of necessity. I needed a place to live. I needed an affordable and safe place. The move put me in a town that I do not know. It is a good town, but it is still one I do not know. When surrounded with so many unknown known factors, one often feels disoriented. I don’t feel particularly lost.

However there is a sense of total unfamiliarity . As a result, one does not know if it is a good path or not. That can only be discerned later on. As a result, there is another form of suffering. The suffering of not knowing. This is addressed in the another part of the article.

“The first value involved analyzing one’s own perception and cognitive state, understanding the root of suffering and using meditation to solve it. The mind was to “transcend” bodily pain or suffering in order to reach a higher level of being. The second aimed to uplift or broaden consciousness, and the third involved using yoga as a path to transcendence. The fourth was using yoga to enter other bodies and act supernaturally — perhaps the strangest and most mystical one.”

This second quote best summarized where I feel that I am now in my yoga practice. Through this practice, I am being led through each stage of a transformation. Yoga asanas are still in place, though daily practice of the asanas isn’t yet integrated into every day. Meditation is becoming more a part of the daily rhythm; as is breathing and checking on posture. The past two days have shown me that when stressed, I still am not attentive to breathing or posture. There is a lot to learn and absorb. Sugar intake has been reduced and overall diet is improving, though not Ayurvedic.

Now it seems an understanding appears in my heart and mind. If I must die to the life that made me happiest, if I can move on without that, I can let go of these habits and ways of living that are less beneficial. Today, while we were practicing the tree pose, I could my foot clinging to the earth like the tree picture here.

The practice of yoga is changing and transforming my life, not just 1 or 2 hours. Yoga is freeing me from anxiety as I allow myself to be yoked to its guidance. Yoga is relieving my body of certain pains as I die to old ways of being in the world. Yoga connects me to the tree, but yoga also connects me to me.

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Quotes are from the article on

A Brief History of Yoga

Practice Interrupted?

That sounds like a do not disturb sign doesn’t it? Or a detour sign. In reality, it is a question about whether or not our practice can be interrupted. Is our practice interrupted or is it really a process of being and becoming more aware? Yoga is about more than the asanas as I understand it. It is about finding a way to make ALL of our life a practice of a different sort.

Each day we are to write a journal about the practice of yoga as we read assignments and learn the asanas. This also means rearranging our life or schedule to fit something in. And this something is the practice of yoga as physical movement and meditation. This is the seventh entry about Practice though there should be more journal entries for the days passed.

I am not sure at the moment how many days have been missed in the journaling. All I know is that it is now. Today is Saturday and it’s currently raining. Have I missed a day of asanas? Yes. But I have been focusing on the breathing, awareness of feelings in body, heart, and mind. In addition, I have until yesterday been careful about sugar intake. I keep forgetting to check my posture.

When we decide to take up the practice of anything, we must give other things up. Yoga is no different. Yet, like fitting practice in for a musical instrument, we must complete our commitments made prior to taking up the practice. Though at this moment I am unsure of yoga’s position on a statement of integrity, I know that every yogi or yogini I have ever met has been a person of integrity.

Perhaps, because of practice, they present as assured in mind body and spirit. Their integrity is in their body their mind and their spirit and so it comes across to us intuitively. But it can also mean that when a person takes care of these practices, it empowers one to take care of others in a different way. By others, I also include our natural world of earth, animals, and space.

As I make room for a life filled with Practice, there will be times that it feels as though I am failing. Perhaps I am in a moment of grief or joy, but that doesn’t mean Practice is over, but that I begin again and again and again. Each time we miss Practice, we keep practicing the asanas, the meditation, breathing, diet, until it becomes automatic to pick up the Practice and odd that we would set it aside.

For some, it will be easier to practice in this class because they have been interested in yoga for a long time and making room for it. For some, it will be a great imposition because time is short and it’s unclear what is needed to be given up. For others life events continue to happen while we add this practice to our daily life. That means it feels like Practice is interrupted, when indeed we may only be trying to find out how we incorporate practice into daily living. That too takes practice.

While my journals have been lacking, I have continued to work through the things we are working on in the class. Yes I have missed a class of yoga asanas, but I have continued to focus on paying attention to feelings both internally and externally. My breathing practices are becoming more regular. I also have continue to limit sugar intake. So I’ve been practicing these yogic exercises as I learn to live a Practice. The main discovery is that of all the things we would pay attention to, paying attention to posture is the most difficult for me.

In the short time that sugar has been limited in my diet, it has already begun to be a positive practice. Yesterday, I decided to eat a cinnamelt at McDonalds. Before I got halfway finished (maybe a little further), I found myself thinking, “This is too sweet.” I have NEVER said that about cinnamon rolls or anything bakery. As soon as I recognized the thought, I saw a positive effect coming from practice for this class, Yogamooc.

I had already begun to recognize feeling stronger from the asanas, and at many times I feel taller, even if I am not. It leads me to think that as the days of asanas go on, I won’t have to “think” about posture. Yoga as the practice of meditation and asanas will change all of me, aligning my energies for a better life.

Today I will practice

Breathe

Practice standing tall

Relax

Day 6 – Breath and Practice

As I went through the day yesterday, I realized that asking questions about how I was feeling was easy. It is my nature and has long been my interest in finding ways to pay attention in life. To find ways to be aware of what I am thinking, feeling, and now as a disabled person, what my body is feeling.

Because of my disability, I have to be aware of how much my activities tax my body. If I don’t, then I have days like today. Today I slept late, went to yoga, and then could only sleep the afternoon away. I don’t like to sleep so that is not a good thing for me. Sleeping through a day like today feeds the negative messages that my mind generates to torture me.

It was through the practice of trying to still my mind that I realized my mind is a tyrant. I had been practicing meditation and trying to clear my mind. It took about 20 years of practice until I finally quieted my mind one day for ten minutes. At first, I was happy. Then I was exasperated that it too me that long to “get it” and what it meant to still the mind. Then, I discovered why history calls it meditation practice. One has to do it again and again.

As a guitarist, I can go without practicing and still play the guitar. However, when I practice, I continue to improve. The experience for me improves as well as my accuracy and ability to convey a mood through music.

The legendary cellist Pablo Casals

was asked why he continued to practice at age 90.

“Because I think I’m making progress,” he replied.

Meditation and yoga take practice. When we skip or miss the physical practice,  our muscles both tighten and weaken. We lose balance. When we skip or miss meditation, our mind takes over and we lose balance.

Yesterday I did what I had to do. Physically, it took a toll. Emotionally however, being able to “do” felt good, even if I knew I would be in pain. Taking care of myself gives me self-esteem. While doing that work, I found the practice of paying attention to mind and body easy. As I mentioned, I have been practicing and working on it.

Upon reflection today, I realized however that I was not paying attention to breath and posture. Breath and posture are hard for me. I get lost in my head thinking of life or a new story to write or the problems of the world. This causes me to hold my breath and I become hunched over.  Because of this, I am adding this question to the list of questions: “How is my breath? Am I breathing?” I also want to pay more attention to posture.

When I practice better breathing and better posture, two things happen. Better breathing prevents anxiety and helps me to make better decisions. Better posture makes me feel strong and tall in a world that wants to belittle. The overall emotional tone of yesterday was a feeling of strength. Now,

I will breathe to have a clear mind.

I will stand where I can breathe and feel strong.